Part 4: 7 - Gathering
An update from Dani
Things That Can’t Be Broken is a novel presented as a live draft, one chapter every week.
Nine-year-old Dani makes a fervent promise that there will always be horses in her life, so when she finds out her next-door neighbor won a scholarship to an exclusive horsemanship program, she vows to win one too. She never gets the chance—but her short life has a lasting effect on a community.
Last week: Part 4: 6 - Harvest Moon • Maeve and Todd dance again
Part 4 | This Storm is Called Progress
7 - Gathering
Dani Marie Cartwright
Outside of time
I’m super excited! I have so much to tell you. Oh, where to start? Where to start!
Okay. Once again, I’ll do my best to tell you everything in living-time order so you don’t get too confused.
I found a way to reach Daddy and now I get to see him a lot, because he has Ammy. She’s my little golden retriever dog-sister. Ammy is short for Amsterdam, as in, where Daddy found her. I’m sure he could have thought of a better name if he tried, but I do like that Ammy rhymes with Dani. Maybe it’s a selfish ghost thing, but I still want him to think about me a lot.
Daddy is so much happier now that he’s not trying to impress his rich girlfriend. She didn’t even go on vacation with him. He doesn’t work constantly anymore; Ammy won’t let him. And big plus, Ammy likes horses as much as I do. But that’s only the start of the good things. Ammy lets me—no, she wants me to go everywhere with her. So it’s like I’m with Daddy all the time.
Ammy and I helped Daddy find the Allens, because we both really like to make friends. The Allens have a chocolate lab named Molly. We met her in the park. Molly is very ball-oriented and a little bossy, but we like her anyway.
The next cool thing that happened is Mom traveled all the way to Scotland to meet with the Allens and Daddy. Can you believe it? She never wanted to go anywhere far from home when I was alive, even though Daddy always wanted her to. But since Mom knows Grandma Arai is here with me and she isn’t going to show up in San Diego, I guess she’s out of excuses. I still couldn’t believe it when she showed up in Edinburgh.
For a minute, I thought maybe she and Daddy would get married again. But I’m not so sure that’s going to happen. She stayed in a different room. Whatever. I got to go with Ammy to meet the Allens in their back yard. They call it a garden but they don’t grow any vegetables that I saw, only flowers and plants. The back gate opens to the park below the mountain where King Arthur used to sit. So cool. Ammy played with Molly. Everyone was excited, especially me, because Daddy wants to get the horsemanship program started again. He’s got a big savings account from all his hard work.
The Allens decided to think about it even though they’re kind of old now. I am really sorry that Mr Allen died right after they came back to California. I mean, no one is happy about that. But I did finally get to meet him in person. Mr Allen is kind and funny, like Barb always said, and he has a cool accent. He called me “lass”.
I had questions for him right away. “Who did you see first when you got here? Grammy is the first person I saw. She gives me advice. Do you have someone like that?”
He said, “Aye. The first person I saw was my twin sister, Grace. And my mam and da and all the dogs. But Grace was the first—and Grianach. Ye took good care of him for a long while, lass. I’m grateful.”
I smiled at that. “I wish I had a twin sister. Then I might know what I would look like if I had grown up. Do you make cookies with Grace like I do with Grammy?”
“Och, no. She plays her guitar and we sing together like we did growing up. We’re singing right now. I’m also grooming horses, Grianach and the others. All the smells and sounds are comfort to me.”
“No cookies?” I was a little sad for him, but I liked the grooming horses part. I never got to do that. The thought stirred some anger in me and I sighed to calm myself. “Did Grace warn you about being a ghost?”
“No. . .” He drew out the word and narrowed his left eye.
“Don’t be ghost,” I told him. “You have to get really mad. It seems fun at first, but you get tired of it by the time you’re already stuck. I guess she didn’t have to tell you about that because you don’t seem to be too angry.”
He chuckled. “I’m nae angry. Though I would nae have chosen to die of pneumonia in a hospital. I had cancer in my blood and that’s never good. It could have been harder. I ken my passing is nae so easy for the loved ones I left behind. I miss Maeve, but she will be with me soon enough and there is no time here, so I donnae mind the wait.
I’m glad we made it back to California together. She has time to do more living. I’m nae certain she would have left Scotland if I had taken ill there, even after I was gone. She has your parents now, and so many others to encourage her. She’s happy to restart the horsemanship program, and it keeps her busy in the meantime.”
I gave him a big hug. “I am so happy the horses are coming back! You have no idea.”
Mr Allen laughed. “For so many years, I imagined our horsemanship program led to your death, Dani. It made no sense, but it was there in my head long after they knew I dinnae kill you.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said.
“Aye. I ken. All the same, I’m glad to see you get your wish.”
Mr Allen said he isn’t too worried about his son Caleb anymore, either, because he can see him having a long life. He doesn’t get too blurry in the future like the horses do when I look for them. I asked Mr Allen if he could see the horses, or if they got blurry for him like they do for me. He just shook his head and crinkled his eyebrows at me. I don’t think he understood what I was asking.
It’s sad for his family that he had to leave, especially Mrs Allen, but he’s not as mad about dying as I was. He probably won’t have to worry about becoming a ghost. He wasn’t ready to leave yet, but at least he got to grow up and do a lot of things he wanted to do.
Grammy says Mr Allen will probably be one with everything soon. He’s already connected to so much love in the world outside of himself. She says I should think about letting go, too. I kind of want to sometimes. I have to admit I am starting to feel like I belong to so many people and animals, and everything I love. The more I stretch, the less I want to stay just Dani. But the horses still disappear into the fog. I have to hold myself together.
I’ve been watching the progress at Allen Haven Ranch. I see the trucks going back and forth all day bringing in machines and all kinds of building stuff, and hauling away trash from everything they tear down. There are men working everywhere making a lot of dust and noise. I heard Mrs Allen say there will be an indoor riding arena and room for more than thirty horses. It looks like there will be four classrooms, and they are going to be a lot nicer. The old house will be pretty much the same, painted blue and white like it was before. Mrs Allen and Molly are going to live in the house when it’s ready.
One afternoon, I was hanging out with Ammy, who was lying in the warm January sun. I watched and listened while Mom, Daddy, Mrs Allen, and her son Caleb sat around the picnic table nearby, eating the lunch Caleb brought.
Ammy and I had met Caleb a few times. We like him. Sometimes he as a nice girlfriend with him, too. Her name is Ha Say Ah, or something like that. She has long straight hair like mine.
I heard Mrs Allen say, “I’m so glad we were able to include the loft apartment over the barn. It will be good to have someone living there who can move faster than myself.”
Daddy nodded agreement and they all stared down at the new barn. He said, “Do you have someone in mind?”
Mom said, “What about Barb?”
I was like, Go Mom! Ammy wagged her tail at her.
“I had that thought,” said Mrs Allen. “She was one of our best students, good with the horses and overall ranch maintenance. She spent a lot of time with Todd. But I haven’t been able to reach her.”
Mom said, “Yeah, the last time I saw her, she was working in a cafe in La Mesa, but that place closed down during the pandemic.”
I didn’t know exactly where Barb was either. I did see her now and then inside her house through her cat, Pinball. It’s not the same as seeing Mom through George, and nothing like being with Ammy and seeing Mom and Daddy and everyone. Pinball doesn’t know me as well as George did, and she’s more shy, but she lets me see through her eyes every so often, kind of like the crows. I have to be patient and ask nicely.
Barb has been pretty unhappy for a long time. It’s like she’s a ghost, stuck in one place, except she tries to forget instead of trying to be seen. Not that I could tell anybody if I did know exactly where she was. But I think she would really want the job at Allen Haven. She might be able to get herself unstuck if she wants to bad enough.
Mrs Allen said, “I’ve reached out to a couple of alumni, Chris and Vik, but they have already given their regrets. Thirty years is a long time.”
Daddy said, “I hear that.” He looked at Mom. “Imagine wanting to go back to working at Taco Bell like you did as a teen.”
Caleb said, “Taco Bell? My da would no doubt give ye a clever jab for that one, Tim!”
Mrs Allen laughed, shaking her head. “I like to think of it as an honor. But thanks to you, Tim, the pay will be a little better.”
They all laughed. Ammy got up and went to Daddy. He stroked her behind the ears.
Mrs Allen said, “I’m sure we’ll find the right person. We still have a few months.”
“Speaking of living in the barn,” said Mom. “Did you ever find out who was staying in your old barn?”
“No,” said Mrs Allen, “Todd and I originally suspected it was Kiko, the old man I mentioned who has been wandering these hills for who knows how long. No one has seen him for a while though.”
I hadn’t seen Kiko myself lately. He wasn’t with me here, so I knew he was alive out there somewhere. The last time I saw him he was pretty far away from Allen Haven. I know he looks for bad people who hurt kids. He’s had a lot of success with that, especially since he ran into our new friend, Rebecca.
I showed Rebecca a boy I saw who seemed to be in trouble. I’m not quite sure how she even saw me, because she was sitting up on top of a boulder that was nowhere near the crow I was with. She’s alive, not a spirit, so I don’t think she can travel with a crow. But it’s like when she sits up there on her rock with her headphones on, she is not tied to the earth like most living people.
Rebecca told Kiko about the boy I showed her. He used the magic Star Trek phone he carries in his pocket to call Chanel, I mean Detective Ocampo. They rescued thirteen children that day, including the boy I showed Rebecca. Kiko said most of the children were girls who didn’t speak English. He told me the evil ones who had them will be in prison forever. I hope so. He was so proud.
But while he’s looking for the evil ones. . . maybe they look for him too. I tried to tell him I was worried about him by giving him a worried look. He can’t hear my words when I’m not super angry.
He put two fingers to his eyes and then to me. He said, “No one sees ‘Ol Kiko. Pero yo miro todo.”
I think that means I shouldn’t worry.
Next week
Part 4 | This Storm is Called Progress
8 - Can’t Let Go
Behind-the-Scenes Extra
This chapter went out a few hours later than usual. Thank you, faithful readers, for your patience. I thought it was very close to ready on Thursday, but I woke up Friday morning with that, oh-wait-there’s-more feeling. I was trying to rush because we were having a big family barbecue at our house on Friday. That wasn’t going to work.
Sometimes the writing requires a little more time. It’s still going out on Saturday, so I feel good about that.
Dani’s perspective is super fun to write, by the way. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. I start to think like a ten-year-old from the 1980s after a while.
Thursday night, my husband made delicious pulled pork nachos for dinner. After the first bite, I told him they were, “Super yummy!” Then I laughed at myself because I was still in Dani mode. I wonder if he noticed.
Next week, we’ll hear what Barb is up to, so stay tuned.